A break from Comm Theory...

There's something beautiful about the way we love a person.

No amount of theory, rationalizing, insight, and experience can fully explain why we feel what we feel. I'm sure there are precise sciences to how the brain is stimulated, and what triggers the body chemistry, but to break it down to an exact formula takes away all the mysteries that are every bit as real.

The images that self-selects to surface, the moments that come to mind, the things that come back in slow motion. I suppose in the end, these are the times we remember and live for.

I'll end this with an excerpt from Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye's exquisite poetry:

     ...Love arrives exactly when Love is supposed to.

     And Love leaves exactly when Love must.
     When Love arrives,

     say, “Welcome, make yourself comfortable.”

     If Love leaves,

     ask her to leave the door open behind her,

     turn off the music,

     listen to the quiet,

     whisper, “Thank you for stopping by.” 

Even when it ends, I'm thankful every time it stops by.

Attribution Theory (Fritz Heider, 1958)

In 3 months, I will be taking the comprehensive examination that will determine whether I shall become Sensei Chee, or Come-Back-in-the-Fall-and-Try-Again Chee... 

:::chuckle::: but REALLY :::weak nervous laughter:::  

So just now, having had a glass of wine (which always helps), I've decided that I will utilize my blog as a place to study, by a theory a day. Or a concept a day. Or a scholar a day, possibly two when I start panicking. I will do what I would have students do should I teach Communication Theory one day and how I've been taught, and that is first, by examining the theory itself and addressing its salient tenets, assumptions, and finally by applying it to real life situations through the theoretical lens so we have a better understanding of how it functions. Because let's be honest, why do we study communication theory at all if we cannot somehow make it meaningful to our own lives?

Today, we will talk about what is quite possibly my FAVORITE communication theory: Fritz Heider's (1958) Attribution Theory. I'll explain why it's my favorite shortly.

Quick segue -- CLEARLY I'll sound a bit lecture-y/dry/academic during these posts, so pardon my occupational psychosis (Kenneth Burke, from some year which I will identify when I get into Burke). As for any glaring grammatical mistakes or typos -- that'll be the wine ($8 from Costco - 2011 Casamatta Bibi Graetz, only a 86.8 average review from cellartracker.com) 

Let's get started!

This theory, which falls under the context of "The Communicator," (I'll explain the contexts in a separate post) is one of the theories that tries to explain why we as people, do what we do (Littlejohn & Foss, 2011, p. 84).  It's a theory that helps us figure out the cause behind people's behaviors, including our own. 

Heider cites multiple causal attributions people make and outlines them as such:

• Situational -- being affected by the environment
• Personal effects -- influencing things personally
• Ability -- being able to do something
• Effort -- trying to do something
• Desire -- wanting to do something
• Sentiment -- feeling like it
• Belonging -- going along with something
• Obligation -- feeling you ought to
• Permission -- being permitted to

We explain behavior in one or more of these ways and we also decide whether it was deliberate, or unintentional and making a decision.  We also make decisions as to whether the actions are due to internal or external forces. In other words, attribution is the process of our drawing inferences (Griffin, p. 137). 

The process of attribution has three steps --- incidentally, everything in communication or perhaps the world, tends to occur in threes. I've not looked into this, but I enjoy it nevertheless ;)

1. Perception of action -- the other as the causal agent;  "I saw that"
2. Judgment of intention "You meant to do that"
3. Attribution of disposition  "You're a horrible person"

So how we arrive at such decisions Heider says unsurprisingly, tends to be biased, especially when it comes down to our judgment of others as contrasted against our own. He identifies the following tendencies:

• We tend to hold others more responsible for negative results than for positive results.
• We tend to hold others more responsible for not trying than for incompetence.
• We tend to hold others more responsible when they aim to improve a position than to avoid loss.
• We tend to hold others more responsible for their outcomes when we fear the same thing could happen to us.
• We tend to hold others more responsible than we hold ourselves *DOUBLE STANDARD ALERT* 

Now, critiques against this theory are that Heider seems to favor rationality over emotions, and that he does not take into consider the impact of emotion in how we may attribute our own and others' behaviors. While this may be true, let's consider just how applicable this theory is by applying it to everyday occurrences.

Alas, my progress has been tempered by pleasant distractions -- the application AND further analysis for this theory will continue tomorrow. 

Sneak peek at how attribution theory can be applied:  "Ugh, my students are not completing assignments, it must mean they're not motivated, and simply don't care about college nor their education."  vs.  "Man, I have too much work, I really try, but I just cannot get the paper done so I'll just go in and ask for an extension, professor so-and-so will totally understand. I'm a good student after all. It's very clear when I DO participate."

Wink.  And, Day 1. Wrapped. :)

GREAT

I just realized I repeated the same sentiment in my latest post that I'd written two posts ago.

I'm getting to the age where I'm starting to repeat myself.  Dear. Lord.

The Terrible 32's

The cohabitation with those who are not my age has been my single greatest challenge and in so many ways, my source of relentless joy these past few years as a graduate student.

A few nights ago when I spoke to my mom over the phone, I told her, "Well yes, I get frustrated sometimes when they don't listen to what I have to say, but I know that if I were to go back in time, I probably wouldn't listen to me..." she laughed. 

I've realized that I nag. I can be short-tempered. My patience can be worn down and out. I dispense advice and am amused and irritated and exasperated when they're not taken. I also know that I care FAR less if at all about justifying my positions and why I do or say things, and when I'm questioned, I'm less than inclined to explain it, because the consequence aren't as important to me. I no longer feel the need to be liked or to extend myself beyond what it is I already have internalized and do. 

I am also very very tired and know that I just need to let things, and let people be.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm playing StarCraft again. It's a good reprieve from everything else, but I don't think it's conducive to a good night's sleep. Nor is it good for grading papers, or for passing my comprehensive exams.

Speaking ofthe dirty C word (Comprehensive exam); it doth appear I'm headed for a Ph.D. program. I'm still letting that sink in, and am wondering if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm biting off more than I need to chew. Not what I CAN chew... but if I need this degree.  I've a hunch I need to do it, and I've yet to turn down an opportunity or not followed a hunch.

I was called fearless a few months ago by a friend. I was surprised. I don't think of myself on those terms, and I do have fears.

~~~~~

I am looking forward to a graduation trip. At this very moment, all I can think of are the islands of Greece, bronzed skin, fresh cocktails, with the distinct white buildings of Santorini as my backdrop...  

Did I mention I was tired...?

"I don't do goofy photos."

It's simple words like those that baffle me.

We were taking group photos earlier tonight, and someone said we should switch it up, "Let's do goofy photos...!" And behind me I hear "Yea I don't DO goofy photos," as a few others chimed in.

What does that mean? When did they lose the sense of fun and ridiculousness that I think is vital to one's well-being? Was it they never learned the importance of play? Or is it a public versus private persona that is being threatened?  So many questions, so little time to run studies to find out.... 

~~~

Yesterday, my boyfriend started to ask me to imagine a time when I was uncomfortable socially. He stopped before he was done asking the question as he realized that I was incapable of ever being uncomfortable socially, and therefore couldn't fathom such an idea. Yes. By all considerations or measurements, I'm an extrovert who thrives in social situations. I don't, however, reach out to fulfill a need to be social.  I am perfectly content curled up in front of a big screen watching re-runs of my favorite rom-com's. 

In many respects, I reach out to fulfill others' needs to connect with another human being. I see people and I read their sadness. Their anxiety. Their uncertainty. I speak to them plainly, and I gain their trust, as some have articulated, "I don't know why, but I'm comfortable with you" when they are normally reticent. I appreciate their trust, and I do my damnedest to keep the fragile connection.  Frequently I wish I could do more. I wish I could resolve their problems. I wish I had more resources than just my time and my honesty. Yes, I know it matters because we live in a strange world where "social media" is the buzz word, yet Wherever I look, we're looking down, and not at each other.  

~~~

So if you were wondering, my foray into Introduction to Apparel Construction has had mixed results. The good? I now know how to sew a button! AND to operate an industrial sewing machine! AND sew a straight line!  The bad? I am easily just as slow at sewing as I am at writing papers.  I don't know if it falls under time management as I know what needs to be done and I know the deadlines I face, and even as I work incredibly hard and continuously, I just always seem to fall behind. "Slow and steady wins the race," doesn't quite work in academia. Especially not in a quarter system.   Nevertheless, the first sewing project I completed was the assembly of a bag that was made from 40 disposable plastic bags!  And yes, I patted myself on the back when I completed it, and I have been carrying it around everywhere.

Picture to follow.

...and I need to write more. 

Public Introspection

Introspection. Is it a lost art?

Technically I'm being introspective when I type up these posts, yet a part of me recognize the voyeuristic qualities of a blog, where your words aren't just a practice in narcissism and there's a larger audience in mind. In my case, I suppose the audience is anyone who care to read my writing. It feeds to my vanity as a unrealized novelist. Perhaps one day. When I have a good story to tell.

I'm in the midst of a meandering Summer, the beginning of which started off fortuitously, only to quickly flame out when my curmudgeo-ness caught up. I was in a situation where rather than stay in and try to talk it out and to justify my reasoning, I decided to gracefully bow out before I rained my 32-year-old insight all over someone else's parade. 

Yesterday my dear friend +My-An Le shared with me a blurb written by the stupendous Olivia Wilde in Glamour, where she touted the turning of age when one becomes 30, or as Ms. Wilde dubbed, the "Cut the Bullsh-t and Go Be Awesome" stage. I couldn't help but chuckle at the "truthiness" of it all... perhaps with the exception of the "Don't cut your face," which applies to a vastly smaller percentage of women I would imagine than the rest. 

Over the past 6 months I'd noticed that I was becoming increasingly aggravated by what I loved the most in this world, and that is simply, People. Ever since I made my way back to school, I find myself surrounded by peers who were not my age, or where I was "in my head." When this is reflected in conversation, it finally dawned on me that it was like trying to have a conversation with myself in my early 20's. Sure I was introspective and thoughtful then, but my responses would not be what they are today. I don't carry myself the same way, nor do I have the same tendencies, expectations, or motivations. I finally realized that I had to leave it alone... to let them experience time as I did. To not force them to see things from my perspective, which is more universal than even I might wish to think... just universal for those who are also of my age. 

On the flip side, it's gratifying to be in a position to say what I want to say, and rather than experience the panic of "I don't think they understood let me try and explain myself..." I'm okay with leaving it there, having the assurance that what I said was what I meant, and that was enough. Misinterpretation may occur, but it's not for me to fix. If what I said was in good faith, it ought to be enough. It's also okay to not be the first person to say something. Or the last. 

If anything, this vacation has been a welcomed break from the rigors of academia and the routine of work. It's giving me a chance to clear out the intricate cobwebs that have been woven in the dark corners of my mind where creativity has taken to hibernation. A deep, deep, slumber that I hope to awaken this Fall when I take "Introduction to Apparel Construction."  That's right, I'm 32 but to this date I've not learned how to sew a button. And now that all of my core coursework for my Master's have been completed... time to take on new challenges! One. Button. At. A. Time.

Tim Gunn, I'm coming for you...! 

On teaching

A few days ago I happened across my old MySpace page. A page that I've decided to treat as a commemorative site for a moment frozen in time. In typical fashion, I re-traced my steps, and read my old blog entries... and yet again, I felt an injustice for myself, in not following through on writing these entries, because I clearly enjoy writing.

A quick recognition to "Tristan," a young man whose blog has inspired this particular post, and also a quick hello to all those who may at some point or another, by choice or by chance, live inside our heads. Social norms be damned, there is something to be said about being communicate with one's words, if nothing else. All the great ones did, no? So keep writing Tristan!

The title of this entry is titled "On Teaching," if only to put a context to where I am in my life. I'm teaching! The experience has been tremendous. With a bit of training, some guidance, a whole lot of verve, I've been instinctively doing what I think ought to be done. I am profoundly humbled by the task of educating college students, wishing only to serve them well, and helping them figure out how best to apply what they learn in my classroom once they leave my classroom.

(Quick segue --- I've a tooth that's threatening to eat my face. OUCH. Off to the dentist the first thing tomorrow, sans insurance. All fingers crossed.)

(Quick Segue #2 --- I'm now listening to the "Into the Woods" Pandora Station I created this afternoon. The sing-along-ability is not helping with my toothache.)

Back to teaching... like most of my peers, there is a frustration with students not demonstrating an understanding of the material. But my frustration inevitably lies with myself... what am I not doing? It MUST be how I'm not communicating concepts clearly. Hmmm... a constant work in progress. Let's call it: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

(Pocahontas!)

I've work to do, so I'll keep this short and say simply that: I LOVE teaching. I only wish to be better. Always better. The best. It's something to strive for I think.

Be well,
"Ms. Chee" --- ha!  :)