I'd told my friend Missy this blog entry would be titled, "2010, a year that sucked ass." But being the sensible person that I am, I quickly amended it to a less offensive title. And then included it in the first sentence, where it's actually more visible. I can be glib.
I am in a reflective mood, which usually doesn't bode well. But wait! It is now 2011, and in 2011, reflection will be a positive thing! Yes, I find the silver lining in most situations, like sifting through a pot of mishmash, there are good things to be uncovered, lessons to be learned. However, I never found truth to the phrase, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Uhm, try "what doesn't kill you leaves you battered and deeply wounded." Typically the damage incurred isn't physical, which makes it that much worse. Yes, scars are visible and generally permanent, such as the ones on my knees that remind me of my happy and reckless childhood, but scars that are emotional and non-physical hurt that much more. Cuts that much deeper. Cue bad Frances segue -
Why do pop singers have to ruin poetic phrases? As I am about to type 'cuts that much deeper', I hear the annoyingly poppy melody of "Firsssttt cut is the deeeeepest...." and instantly, although I haven't even typed it, the sentence feels cheapened.
Back to train of thought. Here are two reasons why 2010 will live in infamy:
Reason#1: My grandfathers passed away. Plural. The only two I had. I just saw them, late 2009. A year later they're gone. What's that all about? How do you explain that? Don't give me the 'it was their time', or even 'they were old'. NO. Unacceptable. Bullshit. Yes, acceptance is the last stage of grieve. Well it sucks ass.
:::deep breath in::::
Reason#2: Settling for a joke of a job. I knew it was a joke because every time I received a ridiculous email banning another electronic device, sat in on a conference call that was two hours longer than necessary or overheard a conversation ten feet away from me carried on by management that was largely gossip? I threw my head back and laughed. The lack of judgment and professionalism exhibited by my former employers cannot be, and I've said this before, exaggerated. It was, unreal, and at the same time, too painfully real.
I think two reasons will suffice but I will relent, there were plenty of glorious moments and goodness that will sustain itself from now going onward. In chronological order, to my best estimation:
1. I could not have wished for a better year in sports. It was like the 90's all over again for me. Lakers championship run with Ron Artest! World Cup! Giants World Series!
2. I make friends at work. No that's not a shocker, but I met quality people that I enjoyed spending time with and have maintained friendships with since I left the company. Talented, quirky and personality-heavy individuals.
3. Vox freaking Femina Los Angeles. My heart.
4. The few, the proud, the newly minted Foxy Voxxies. Both in and out of Vox, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.
5. A good friend's wedding. She finally got to walk down the aisle with the man she's adored for eons! I thought so and I'm just her friend! Thank the lord!
6. Reunited with my family in Taiwan even though it was for my grandpa's funeral.
7. Duke & Delilah. They inspire moments of hysteria - good and ugly.
8. And, my heart of hearts, who tells me at the end of the year, that he "super-duper loves me". I can't even begin to explain what those silly words meant to me. I've no words, just a well of emotions.
Quiet thoughts: I just realized there was a third reason for the year's negativity in terms of politics and my many private and sometimes published battles with those who think differently than I, but I'll let it rest. It was only appropriate we had record rainfalls near the end of the year, to wash away the nonsense, the grime, and the symbolic heartaches and troubles of a year, that in the end, I guess could have been better, but just was.
