23.2.14

The Terrible 32's

The cohabitation with those who are not my age has been my single greatest challenge and in so many ways, my source of relentless joy these past few years as a graduate student.

A few nights ago when I spoke to my mom over the phone, I told her, "Well yes, I get frustrated sometimes when they don't listen to what I have to say, but I know that if I were to go back in time, I probably wouldn't listen to me..." she laughed. 

I've realized that I nag. I can be short-tempered. My patience can be worn down and out. I dispense advice and am amused and irritated and exasperated when they're not taken. I also know that I care FAR less if at all about justifying my positions and why I do or say things, and when I'm questioned, I'm less than inclined to explain it, because the consequence aren't as important to me. I no longer feel the need to be liked or to extend myself beyond what it is I already have internalized and do. 

I am also very very tired and know that I just need to let things, and let people be.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm playing StarCraft again. It's a good reprieve from everything else, but I don't think it's conducive to a good night's sleep. Nor is it good for grading papers, or for passing my comprehensive exams.

Speaking ofthe dirty C word (Comprehensive exam); it doth appear I'm headed for a Ph.D. program. I'm still letting that sink in, and am wondering if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm biting off more than I need to chew. Not what I CAN chew... but if I need this degree.  I've a hunch I need to do it, and I've yet to turn down an opportunity or not followed a hunch.

I was called fearless a few months ago by a friend. I was surprised. I don't think of myself on those terms, and I do have fears.

~~~~~

I am looking forward to a graduation trip. At this very moment, all I can think of are the islands of Greece, bronzed skin, fresh cocktails, with the distinct white buildings of Santorini as my backdrop...  

Did I mention I was tired...?

No comments:

Post a Comment