The cohabitation with those who are not my age has been my single greatest challenge and in so many ways, my source of relentless joy these past few years as a graduate student.
A few nights ago when I spoke to my mom over the phone, I told her, "Well yes, I get frustrated sometimes when they don't listen to what I have to say, but I know that if I were to go back in time, I probably wouldn't listen to me..." she laughed.
I've realized that I nag. I can be short-tempered. My patience can be worn down and out. I dispense advice and am amused and irritated and exasperated when they're not taken. I also know that I care FAR less if at all about justifying my positions and why I do or say things, and when I'm questioned, I'm less than inclined to explain it, because the consequence aren't as important to me. I no longer feel the need to be liked or to extend myself beyond what it is I already have internalized and do.
I am also very very tired and know that I just need to let things, and let people be.
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I'm playing StarCraft again. It's a good reprieve from everything else, but I don't think it's conducive to a good night's sleep. Nor is it good for grading papers, or for passing my comprehensive exams.
Speaking ofthe dirty C word (Comprehensive exam); it doth appear I'm headed for a Ph.D. program. I'm still letting that sink in, and am wondering if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm biting off more than I need to chew. Not what I CAN chew... but if I need this degree. I've a hunch I need to do it, and I've yet to turn down an opportunity or not followed a hunch.
I was called fearless a few months ago by a friend. I was surprised. I don't think of myself on those terms, and I do have fears.
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I am looking forward to a graduation trip. At this very moment, all I can think of are the islands of Greece, bronzed skin, fresh cocktails, with the distinct white buildings of Santorini as my backdrop...
Did I mention I was tired...?
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