A few days ago I happened across my old MySpace page. A page that I've decided to treat as a commemorative site for a moment frozen in time. In typical fashion, I re-traced my steps, and read my old blog entries... and yet again, I felt an injustice for myself, in not following through on writing these entries, because I clearly enjoy writing.
A quick recognition to "Tristan," a young man whose blog has inspired this particular post, and also a quick hello to all those who may at some point or another, by choice or by chance, live inside our heads. Social norms be damned, there is something to be said about being communicate with one's words, if nothing else. All the great ones did, no? So keep writing Tristan!
The title of this entry is titled "On Teaching," if only to put a context to where I am in my life. I'm teaching! The experience has been tremendous. With a bit of training, some guidance, a whole lot of verve, I've been instinctively doing what I think ought to be done. I am profoundly humbled by the task of educating college students, wishing only to serve them well, and helping them figure out how best to apply what they learn in my classroom once they leave my classroom.
(Quick segue --- I've a tooth that's threatening to eat my face. OUCH. Off to the dentist the first thing tomorrow, sans insurance. All fingers crossed.)
(Quick Segue #2 --- I'm now listening to the "Into the Woods" Pandora Station I created this afternoon. The sing-along-ability is not helping with my toothache.)
Back to teaching... like most of my peers, there is a frustration with students not demonstrating an understanding of the material. But my frustration inevitably lies with myself... what am I not doing? It MUST be how I'm not communicating concepts clearly. Hmmm... a constant work in progress. Let's call it: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
(Pocahontas!)
I've work to do, so I'll keep this short and say simply that: I LOVE teaching. I only wish to be better. Always better. The best. It's something to strive for I think.
Be well,
"Ms. Chee" --- ha! :)
7.2.13
5.7.12
What? Summer Vacation?
I feel 12 again, this is fabulous. I have the Summer off. Perks of being a student with supportive parents and a healthy (i.e. substantial) amount of student loan debt.
Downside of being a student at 31, there's no PE class. I'm also not fudging around with taking beginning volleyball or any "fun" classes. I've picked up a fairly sedentary lifestyle, the impact of which I did not feel (nor did I see) until school wrapped. I went home, looked in the full-length mirror, and...and... I went online. Which brings us to this particular blog entry: FREE SHIT IN LOS ANGELES!
Pardon the language, but it was too catchy to avoid.
I hadn't realize that most gyms/workout spaces in the area extended a first class for FREE --- a trial for you to figure out if it works for you. So for each of the places that I found interesting, I have officially signed on to a free class so I can figure out what I can commit to and what fit my ADD exercise style. And so, Operation Body Shock is now underway...
Pure Barre, Pasadena --- There's something to be said about being the first one in class. It's slightly awkward, especially since I'd never been there before. The receptionist girl was friendly and helpful, although I don't think she realized the extent of my uncertainty. "Oh you can go ahead and stretch in the studio if you'd like." Oh... stretch huh... just walk into the studio and stretch... Yes I know it sounds simple, but I'd no clue what I was in for, where I should put myself, etc. And then people showed up, one smiled when we caught each other's eyes. No one else did. Four other girls who clearly had been there before, arrived, grabbed the weights and ball, sat and well, stretched. They avoided eye contact with each other and absolutely did not smile. STRANGE. Anyway, to the workout, no introduction, no coddling, no differentiation between newbies and none, just straight to the exercises. At first I was a bit disconcerted, and then I kind of liked it... the quick transition from move to move, the jello-like shaking of my legs, the exasperated gasps of people failing a move, the chuckles at a particularly difficult routine. It was a lot like Pilates, and a lot less actual bar work than I was expecting although I didn't have too much expectation, I've figured out that's the best way to approach anything new. I spoke with Melanie the trainer after the session, she said I did well for my first time and I asked her at what point do my muscles stop jiggling. Apparently it doesn't ever really.
The Cycle Annex, South Pasadena --- Michelle, the trainer for the 8:30am session welcomed me, I liked her immediately. I enjoyed her style, very matter-of-fact, "just-do-it!" directness that I appreciated. She fitted me for my bike, told me to start peddling as I waited for the 9:45am class to begin. Folks filtered in (friendly, direct eye contact...lol), along with Leslie, the trainer. She was bubbly, energetic and very encouraging. What followed was a lot of breathing, watching my form, concentrating on getting through the muscle spasms and minor freakouts where I'm panicking I can't get through the next 10 seconds, the breath goes away and I have to sit instead of ride off-straddle. HOWEVER, I think I did fairly well for a first-time, again, no expectations, just a lot of uncertainty yet willingness to push myself. My thighs are burning. Leslie too said I performed really well and didn't appear to be a first-timer. I met Brandon, who started the gym. Overall, I really like the space, their philosophy, the ease of it all... AND, the fact it's in my favorite part of town. Right next to Heirloom, which I promptly visited for a French Chicken Sandwich and coffee.
Next, Rock It Workout for a routine they call Barre Fly --- this is definitely a fancier gym, complete with a tea bar and a DJ for every group class. In some respect it's not my kind of environment, but I'm determined to keep an open mind, especially when they have the most inexpensive deal that I've seen for their group classes.
Oh! It's not just workouts that are free in LA ---
Downtown Property Tour, Los Angeles --- Hal Bastien is an excellent tour-guide given his insight into the history of Los Angeles and his passion for its growth. This free tour is a great way to see different parts of the city and to get an idea of the neighborhoods.
Self-Guided Audio Tour, Disney Music Center --- Despite the fact that I've attended numerous concerts and have actually sung at the venue, I'd never attended the tour. A tip --- use the self-guided audio option, it's fantastic! John Lithgow is the narrator, and the guided tour gives the exact same information, and unfortunately when my brother and I were on our tour, we came across the group that was being guided by an actual tour, and she was really not good. She didn't have the same delivery as John Lithgow :) Very insightful, and completely free!
Tonight I'm headed to the KJAzz series on the westside at the Century Mall for some free Jazz... free jazz!!! I met a new friend at the Vox Gala awhile back and she has her own trio... it should be marvelous.
Free shit in LA, who'd thunk it ;)
Downside of being a student at 31, there's no PE class. I'm also not fudging around with taking beginning volleyball or any "fun" classes. I've picked up a fairly sedentary lifestyle, the impact of which I did not feel (nor did I see) until school wrapped. I went home, looked in the full-length mirror, and...and... I went online. Which brings us to this particular blog entry: FREE SHIT IN LOS ANGELES!
Pardon the language, but it was too catchy to avoid.
I hadn't realize that most gyms/workout spaces in the area extended a first class for FREE --- a trial for you to figure out if it works for you. So for each of the places that I found interesting, I have officially signed on to a free class so I can figure out what I can commit to and what fit my ADD exercise style. And so, Operation Body Shock is now underway...
Pure Barre, Pasadena --- There's something to be said about being the first one in class. It's slightly awkward, especially since I'd never been there before. The receptionist girl was friendly and helpful, although I don't think she realized the extent of my uncertainty. "Oh you can go ahead and stretch in the studio if you'd like." Oh... stretch huh... just walk into the studio and stretch... Yes I know it sounds simple, but I'd no clue what I was in for, where I should put myself, etc. And then people showed up, one smiled when we caught each other's eyes. No one else did. Four other girls who clearly had been there before, arrived, grabbed the weights and ball, sat and well, stretched. They avoided eye contact with each other and absolutely did not smile. STRANGE. Anyway, to the workout, no introduction, no coddling, no differentiation between newbies and none, just straight to the exercises. At first I was a bit disconcerted, and then I kind of liked it... the quick transition from move to move, the jello-like shaking of my legs, the exasperated gasps of people failing a move, the chuckles at a particularly difficult routine. It was a lot like Pilates, and a lot less actual bar work than I was expecting although I didn't have too much expectation, I've figured out that's the best way to approach anything new. I spoke with Melanie the trainer after the session, she said I did well for my first time and I asked her at what point do my muscles stop jiggling. Apparently it doesn't ever really.
The Cycle Annex, South Pasadena --- Michelle, the trainer for the 8:30am session welcomed me, I liked her immediately. I enjoyed her style, very matter-of-fact, "just-do-it!" directness that I appreciated. She fitted me for my bike, told me to start peddling as I waited for the 9:45am class to begin. Folks filtered in (friendly, direct eye contact...lol), along with Leslie, the trainer. She was bubbly, energetic and very encouraging. What followed was a lot of breathing, watching my form, concentrating on getting through the muscle spasms and minor freakouts where I'm panicking I can't get through the next 10 seconds, the breath goes away and I have to sit instead of ride off-straddle. HOWEVER, I think I did fairly well for a first-time, again, no expectations, just a lot of uncertainty yet willingness to push myself. My thighs are burning. Leslie too said I performed really well and didn't appear to be a first-timer. I met Brandon, who started the gym. Overall, I really like the space, their philosophy, the ease of it all... AND, the fact it's in my favorite part of town. Right next to Heirloom, which I promptly visited for a French Chicken Sandwich and coffee.
Next, Rock It Workout for a routine they call Barre Fly --- this is definitely a fancier gym, complete with a tea bar and a DJ for every group class. In some respect it's not my kind of environment, but I'm determined to keep an open mind, especially when they have the most inexpensive deal that I've seen for their group classes.
Oh! It's not just workouts that are free in LA ---
Downtown Property Tour, Los Angeles --- Hal Bastien is an excellent tour-guide given his insight into the history of Los Angeles and his passion for its growth. This free tour is a great way to see different parts of the city and to get an idea of the neighborhoods.
Self-Guided Audio Tour, Disney Music Center --- Despite the fact that I've attended numerous concerts and have actually sung at the venue, I'd never attended the tour. A tip --- use the self-guided audio option, it's fantastic! John Lithgow is the narrator, and the guided tour gives the exact same information, and unfortunately when my brother and I were on our tour, we came across the group that was being guided by an actual tour, and she was really not good. She didn't have the same delivery as John Lithgow :) Very insightful, and completely free!
Tonight I'm headed to the KJAzz series on the westside at the Century Mall for some free Jazz... free jazz!!! I met a new friend at the Vox Gala awhile back and she has her own trio... it should be marvelous.
Free shit in LA, who'd thunk it ;)
27.1.12
Sure signs that I'm putting off writing a paper
* The laundry is done
* Some form of re-organization has taken place with the BF's closet
* The furniture has been re-arranged
* The dishes are done (not yet, but they will be)
* My Hulu queue is decidedly shorter
* ...I'm blogging.
But unlike any other day, today is a special day. Today, I get to stand on the stage at Disney Music Center, albeit not to give a performance, but I get to rehearse in the magical space! In front of Grant Gershon and with many many many many many other choral singers!
Vox is a part of Mahler 8, billed as the "MUSICAL EVENT OF THE DECADE!!! DUM DUM DUM!" Along with the LA Phil (DUDAMEL!), LA Master Chorale, National Children's Chorus, we will be 800 choral singers strong for a SYMPHONY OF A THOUSAND!!! And while my dear friend Marcela will tell you, Mahler did not truly intend for it to be 1,000 people when he wrote it and only 300 actually performed in that first performance, it will be quite awe-inspiring. We will be a part of a sold-out performance (4,300 tickets!) at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, and I will undoubtedly, be quite frankly, petrified.
19 hours in formal rehearsal between now and the evening of February 4th when we are scheduled to perform. That's 19 hours to put on my big-girl's choral pants and truly learn the piece and be able to do it justice. That's 19 hours until... THE MUSICAL EVENT OF THE DECAD...
You get the idea. So can you blame me for being so distracted that I cannot complete my paper that was in fact, due, yesterday...?
That's just an excuse, I really do need to finish this paper. For more info on this epic performance, check out www.LaPhil.org!
* Some form of re-organization has taken place with the BF's closet
* The furniture has been re-arranged
* The dishes are done (not yet, but they will be)
* My Hulu queue is decidedly shorter
* ...I'm blogging.
But unlike any other day, today is a special day. Today, I get to stand on the stage at Disney Music Center, albeit not to give a performance, but I get to rehearse in the magical space! In front of Grant Gershon and with many many many many many other choral singers!
Vox is a part of Mahler 8, billed as the "MUSICAL EVENT OF THE DECADE!!! DUM DUM DUM!" Along with the LA Phil (DUDAMEL!), LA Master Chorale, National Children's Chorus, we will be 800 choral singers strong for a SYMPHONY OF A THOUSAND!!! And while my dear friend Marcela will tell you, Mahler did not truly intend for it to be 1,000 people when he wrote it and only 300 actually performed in that first performance, it will be quite awe-inspiring. We will be a part of a sold-out performance (4,300 tickets!) at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, and I will undoubtedly, be quite frankly, petrified.
19 hours in formal rehearsal between now and the evening of February 4th when we are scheduled to perform. That's 19 hours to put on my big-girl's choral pants and truly learn the piece and be able to do it justice. That's 19 hours until... THE MUSICAL EVENT OF THE DECAD...
You get the idea. So can you blame me for being so distracted that I cannot complete my paper that was in fact, due, yesterday...?
That's just an excuse, I really do need to finish this paper. For more info on this epic performance, check out www.LaPhil.org!
20.9.11
One day at a time
And a year at a time.
Sooner or later this will all work out.
~~~
There was a singular moment two years ago, when I was in Taiwan, where it struck me that what I was feeling at that moment was rare, and perfect. I'd stopped myself to 'be in the moment.' - as cheesy as that sounds. I closed my eyes and held onto it... wishing it could become reflexive, like muscle memory where at a later date, when I was feeling less than divine, I could recall that moment and all would be well. I held on tight to the feeling in my balled fists... and wished and hoped.
I've not felt quite like it since. But I relish in the fact that it was mine for even a little while... perfect serenity. Eager anticipation. Calm happiness.
~~~
On the recent trip to Iowa, there were many similar moments. Not of perfect contentment, but one of 'let me appreciate this moment'. As I sat in the grass in a beautiful backyard, as I looked out of the car window at the expansive canyons, the wide open fields, the puffs of clouds... the skies... I wanted to breathe it all in, bottle it up and save it for later, when I'm sitting in front of my computer screen as I am now, wondering when I'll next be out on the road.
~~~
School's starting in 3 days. Timely distraction.
~~~
Made a friend today. Even if it was just for an hour or two. I shall call him the great Dane. Not of the canine variety... just originally from Denmark. Has a 17-year-old son who's into what sounds like extreme skateboarding. Come to find out the daredevil streak was passed down by pops, who used to be a skier, dirt-biker, and scuba diver... complete with broken fingers etc. Asked me every question under the sky without it ever feeling intrusive, just born of curiosity and good-will.
I'd write more... but I'm tired.
Sooner or later this will all work out.
~~~
There was a singular moment two years ago, when I was in Taiwan, where it struck me that what I was feeling at that moment was rare, and perfect. I'd stopped myself to 'be in the moment.' - as cheesy as that sounds. I closed my eyes and held onto it... wishing it could become reflexive, like muscle memory where at a later date, when I was feeling less than divine, I could recall that moment and all would be well. I held on tight to the feeling in my balled fists... and wished and hoped.
I've not felt quite like it since. But I relish in the fact that it was mine for even a little while... perfect serenity. Eager anticipation. Calm happiness.
~~~
On the recent trip to Iowa, there were many similar moments. Not of perfect contentment, but one of 'let me appreciate this moment'. As I sat in the grass in a beautiful backyard, as I looked out of the car window at the expansive canyons, the wide open fields, the puffs of clouds... the skies... I wanted to breathe it all in, bottle it up and save it for later, when I'm sitting in front of my computer screen as I am now, wondering when I'll next be out on the road.
~~~
School's starting in 3 days. Timely distraction.
~~~
Made a friend today. Even if it was just for an hour or two. I shall call him the great Dane. Not of the canine variety... just originally from Denmark. Has a 17-year-old son who's into what sounds like extreme skateboarding. Come to find out the daredevil streak was passed down by pops, who used to be a skier, dirt-biker, and scuba diver... complete with broken fingers etc. Asked me every question under the sky without it ever feeling intrusive, just born of curiosity and good-will.
I'd write more... but I'm tired.
17.9.11
Weather change?
Dear Diary... (and world at large)
I woke up to grey skies this morning... such a delightful change. The weather was brisk, and I took a walk down Colima to 85c Bakery for some waist-expanding deliciousness. Chatted with a couple of workers that were taking their break, found out that they rarely if ever got free bread. Is that not the main draw to working there...?
Met up with My-An to catch the re-release of The Lion King! We ate noodles she'd bought from the food court - never knew that was a possibility, but an act definitely to be repeated. The theater buzzed with excitement and it was a full house! People cheered and applauded as soon as the movie started, and again when the credits began to roll. It was all very cute and nostalgic.
Made my way to the pub, almost regretted my decision when I realized how much ground I had to cover, but somehow made it there in 30 minutes. I wanted to be home to feed the dogs, but wanted more to see him and to be supportive. Had no intention of drinking since I'm singing tomorrow... turned out I was also too tired to socialize or just to make nice. Someone asked if I was ok, and that I was looking a little serious... my face does tend to lean towards serious when I'm not smiling. Tried to watch a bad creature movie (Piranhas!) on the tiny TV set until loud drunk woman plants herself next to me and starts a conversation with another person sitting across from me...
Now I'm home. Delilah is fed and passed out by my foot. Duke did not touch his food because, I came inside to the study. Why that dog needs me to watch him in order to eat is beyond me.
Looking forward to stay-in-bed weather... but 10-day forecasts says 80's and sunny. Ah well.
Tomorrow, I entertain myself and then it's off to sing and see the Bishop...
I'm in a funk.
I woke up to grey skies this morning... such a delightful change. The weather was brisk, and I took a walk down Colima to 85c Bakery for some waist-expanding deliciousness. Chatted with a couple of workers that were taking their break, found out that they rarely if ever got free bread. Is that not the main draw to working there...?
Met up with My-An to catch the re-release of The Lion King! We ate noodles she'd bought from the food court - never knew that was a possibility, but an act definitely to be repeated. The theater buzzed with excitement and it was a full house! People cheered and applauded as soon as the movie started, and again when the credits began to roll. It was all very cute and nostalgic.
Made my way to the pub, almost regretted my decision when I realized how much ground I had to cover, but somehow made it there in 30 minutes. I wanted to be home to feed the dogs, but wanted more to see him and to be supportive. Had no intention of drinking since I'm singing tomorrow... turned out I was also too tired to socialize or just to make nice. Someone asked if I was ok, and that I was looking a little serious... my face does tend to lean towards serious when I'm not smiling. Tried to watch a bad creature movie (Piranhas!) on the tiny TV set until loud drunk woman plants herself next to me and starts a conversation with another person sitting across from me...
Now I'm home. Delilah is fed and passed out by my foot. Duke did not touch his food because, I came inside to the study. Why that dog needs me to watch him in order to eat is beyond me.
Looking forward to stay-in-bed weather... but 10-day forecasts says 80's and sunny. Ah well.
Tomorrow, I entertain myself and then it's off to sing and see the Bishop...
I'm in a funk.
16.9.11
Short Stories
At some point a couple of years ago, I decided that drinking and smoking were not cures for a bad day, for anyone. I decided that I would not wallow in mournful love songs when I was experiencing heartache. I decided I would never purposely act like a martyr to get attention. Because I am intelligent, logical, and self-controlled.
I've now decided that I enjoy making important yet strangely mindless decisions regarding myself.
~~~
Earlier tonight, I sang at a church. Very contemporary place and service, fitting, for Silverlake. At the end of the night, following the choir rehearsal, my friend, the musical director who invited me to sing with them, handed the other alto and I each a little pot of flower as a thank-you gift. We are getting paid for singing, yet he said he just wanted to give us a 'little something'.
I thanked him, and out of my mouth, "WHY CAN'T MY BOYFRIEND DO THIS?" The church organizer looked at me, puzzled. "I can't get my boyfriend to buy me flowers, I've been asking for 6 months." Now he looks baffled, and to my chagrin, asks whether my boyfriend is in essence, mentally disabled, but using the less politically-correct term. "No," I said, laughing, "...just a little slow...?"
~~~
I like flowers. They make me happy, like they do many people. Easy to think that he who loves me most would not hesitate to make such a simple gesture, knowing that it'd make me happy. He said it was because he was on a bike and can't carry it. And it was too expensive to order flowers online. And then it was because he wanted to take me to buy the flowers that can be planted, and therefore lasts longer.
Yet still I wait, everyday just slightly a little less hopeful than the day before.
~~~
I hear my mom calling me in my head. Flashback to the times when she'd ask me to do something, and I'd come up with a response that would delay whatever it was she'd ask me to do. I felt completely justified in my responses, and assured by the fact that I was occupied by something important, and therefore unable to meet her request at that exact moment. The problem was, for the majority of the time, I was occupied. I had to do what I was doing in that moment, at that moment. I couldn't set it aside for just a fraction of the time to hear what she was asking of me, to do something as simple as setting the table. Because it'd be too distracting. Because I was almost done. Because I wanted to. Perhaps, it was a matter of principle. I determined what was important. And I was more important than whatever she needed. She can wait just a minute...
~~~
I've given up talking to him at work. Because, as he says, he's working while he's at work. He has no time to read emails, check messages, drop a note, anything. It finally dawned on me who he sounded like, and why it felt familiar. He sounds like me. When I worked my 10 hour days and couldn't do anything personal, that's what I sounded like. I'd feel slightly annoyed at whomever was calling me for not knowing that I'm at work and that I was clearly busy. Was there a rule against personal phone calls? I'm sure there was. Would my bosses have flipped out if my mom called from overseas and I took time to speak with her? No. Would it have been nice for my mom to hear my voice for 5 minutes? On any of those days when she called...?
No one works every minute of an 8-hour day. Not even a very dedicated and conscientious worker.
I've now decided that I enjoy making important yet strangely mindless decisions regarding myself.
~~~
Earlier tonight, I sang at a church. Very contemporary place and service, fitting, for Silverlake. At the end of the night, following the choir rehearsal, my friend, the musical director who invited me to sing with them, handed the other alto and I each a little pot of flower as a thank-you gift. We are getting paid for singing, yet he said he just wanted to give us a 'little something'.
I thanked him, and out of my mouth, "WHY CAN'T MY BOYFRIEND DO THIS?" The church organizer looked at me, puzzled. "I can't get my boyfriend to buy me flowers, I've been asking for 6 months." Now he looks baffled, and to my chagrin, asks whether my boyfriend is in essence, mentally disabled, but using the less politically-correct term. "No," I said, laughing, "...just a little slow...?"
~~~
I like flowers. They make me happy, like they do many people. Easy to think that he who loves me most would not hesitate to make such a simple gesture, knowing that it'd make me happy. He said it was because he was on a bike and can't carry it. And it was too expensive to order flowers online. And then it was because he wanted to take me to buy the flowers that can be planted, and therefore lasts longer.
Yet still I wait, everyday just slightly a little less hopeful than the day before.
~~~
I hear my mom calling me in my head. Flashback to the times when she'd ask me to do something, and I'd come up with a response that would delay whatever it was she'd ask me to do. I felt completely justified in my responses, and assured by the fact that I was occupied by something important, and therefore unable to meet her request at that exact moment. The problem was, for the majority of the time, I was occupied. I had to do what I was doing in that moment, at that moment. I couldn't set it aside for just a fraction of the time to hear what she was asking of me, to do something as simple as setting the table. Because it'd be too distracting. Because I was almost done. Because I wanted to. Perhaps, it was a matter of principle. I determined what was important. And I was more important than whatever she needed. She can wait just a minute...
~~~
I've given up talking to him at work. Because, as he says, he's working while he's at work. He has no time to read emails, check messages, drop a note, anything. It finally dawned on me who he sounded like, and why it felt familiar. He sounds like me. When I worked my 10 hour days and couldn't do anything personal, that's what I sounded like. I'd feel slightly annoyed at whomever was calling me for not knowing that I'm at work and that I was clearly busy. Was there a rule against personal phone calls? I'm sure there was. Would my bosses have flipped out if my mom called from overseas and I took time to speak with her? No. Would it have been nice for my mom to hear my voice for 5 minutes? On any of those days when she called...?
No one works every minute of an 8-hour day. Not even a very dedicated and conscientious worker.
The problem isn't that he doesn't have the time or can't find the time for me. The problem isn't even that he used to have time, but slowly, over the course of a year, he didn't. The problem may be me. Maybe I am no longer as 'miss-able' as a I used to be.
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